You Can't Fix Stupid

I am totally amazed at the stories I hear about the silly, (stupid), things that people do.

The following are examples placed in order of stupidity......

EIGHTH PLACE

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
in two feet of water after squeezing head first
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his
car keys.


SEVENTH PLACE

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off
a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.


SIXTH PLACE

Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in
as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour
to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones
was pronounced dead at a hospital.


FIFTH PLACE

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the
long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.


FOURTH PLACE

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
Selbyville , Del , as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.




THIRD PLACE THIS ONE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRST PLACE

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree
in Washington , DC appeared to be the robber's first
(and last), due to his lack of a previous record of
violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop
specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around
a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter,
having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer,
the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a
few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the
police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a
50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who
also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and
fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene
by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47
expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent
autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt in the exchange of fire.


HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured,
when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their
car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window
to see what would happen, but apparently failed to
notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

TACOMA , WA . Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM Upon arrival
at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that
no one had brought a bungee rope.

Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near
by. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.

"All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching
out for me on that night. There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.


AND THE WINNER...

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt
( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant
Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged- up pachyderm finally let it fly, and
suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil
enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck
his head on a roc k and lay unconscious as the
elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective
Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he
suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that proves... "S __ t happens."


YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID...

THE BANANA TEST [C1] & Humour

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,

a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality.

So think carefully . . .. Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.
























If your answer is:

Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're a moron.
Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.
A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.
Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax!
Try again next year.




Dear Friends,



Duniya Gol Hai:-----Chuha Billi se darta hai,
Billi Kutte se darti hai,Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai.!

Duniya Gol Hai..

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

Ek sharabi marne laga tab bhagwan pratyaksh hoke "koi antim ichcha?"

sharabi- agle janam me ek liver extra laga dena....!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

Ek macchar ek takle ke sar par ja baita...

Dusra macchar bola:- Waha kya ghar dunda hai..

Pehla macchar bola:- Ghar kaha re abi to sirf PLOT karida hai...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

Boy to girl:Hey if i climb this coconut tree, I can see Engg college girls.

Girl:Leave both the hands from there, U can see medical college girls..

------------ --------- ---------
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Judge-is sardar ke dono kan kaat do.

Sardar-nahin mai andha hojaunga.

Judge-kan katne se andha kaise hoga?

Sardar-chashma kya tere baap ke kan pe bethaunga

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

Sardarji went to his neighbours house for function & had some snacks.

Sardar: CHAKLI Kitna different & tasty hai!

Neighbr: wo CHAKLI nahi, MOSQUITO COIL hai....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class. Wt abt u..?

Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide..! Wt abt u..?

HR Tours Heaven & Hell

One day while walking downtown, a Human Resources woman was hit by a bus and was tragically killed. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates Yamraj himself.

“Welcome to Heaven,” said Yamraj. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an HR manager make it this far and we’re not really sure what to with you.”

“No problem, just let me in” said the woman.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in” Yamraj replied.

“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind…..I prefer to stay in Heaven”.

“Sorry, we have rules…..” And with that Yamraj put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to Hell. The doors opened and the HR manager found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow HR professionals that she had worked with. They were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute), and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing.

The HR manager was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates where Yamraj was waiting for her.

“Now it’s time to spend a day in Heaven” he said. So the HR manager spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it, her 24 hours were up and Yamraj came and got her. “So, you’ve spent a day in Hell and you’ve spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity” he said.

The HR manager paused for a second and then replied, “well, I never thought I’d say this. I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.”

So Yamraj escorted her to the elevator and again the consultant went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks for the evening meal. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her and laughed at her.

“I don’t understand,” stammered the HR manager. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil looked at her and grinned, “that’s because yesterday we were recruiting you, but today you’re staff.”

Bad Domain Names

All of these are companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear - and be misread...

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is
   www.whorepresents.com/
   
   
2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at
   www.expertsexchange.com/
   
   
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
   www.penisland.net/
   
   
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
   www.therapistfinder.com/
   
   
5. There's the Italian Power Generator company,
   www.powergenitalia.com/
   
   
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
   www.molestationnursery.com/
   
   
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there?s always
   www.ipanywhere.com/
   
   
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
   www.cummingfirst.com/
   
   
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
   www.speedofart.com/