You Can't Fix Stupid

I am totally amazed at the stories I hear about the silly, (stupid), things that people do.

The following are examples placed in order of stupidity......

EIGHTH PLACE

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
in two feet of water after squeezing head first
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his
car keys.


SEVENTH PLACE

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off
a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.


SIXTH PLACE

Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in
as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour
to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones
was pronounced dead at a hospital.


FIFTH PLACE

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the
long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.


FOURTH PLACE

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
Selbyville , Del , as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.




THIRD PLACE THIS ONE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRST PLACE

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree
in Washington , DC appeared to be the robber's first
(and last), due to his lack of a previous record of
violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop
specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around
a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter,
having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer,
the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a
few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the
police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a
50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who
also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and
fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene
by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47
expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent
autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt in the exchange of fire.


HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured,
when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their
car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window
to see what would happen, but apparently failed to
notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

TACOMA , WA . Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM Upon arrival
at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that
no one had brought a bungee rope.

Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near
by. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.

"All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching
out for me on that night. There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.


AND THE WINNER...

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt
( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant
Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged- up pachyderm finally let it fly, and
suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil
enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck
his head on a roc k and lay unconscious as the
elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective
Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he
suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that proves... "S __ t happens."


YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID...

Foods that Heal

Apples

Protects your heart

prevents constipation

Blocks diarrhea

Improves lung capacity

Cushions joints

Apricots

Combats cancer

Controls blood pressure

Saves your eyesight

Shields against Alzheimer's

Slows aging process

Artichokes

Aids digestion

Lowers cholesterol

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Guards against liver disease

Avocadoes

Battles diabetes

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Bananas

Protects your heart

Quiets a cough

Strengthens bones

Controls blood pressure

Blocks diarrhea

Beans

Prevents constipation

Helps hemorrhoids

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Stabilizes blood sugar

Beets

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

Protects your heart

Aids weight loss

Blueberries

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Stabilizes blood sugar

Boosts memory

Prevents constipation

Broccoli

Strengthens bones

Saves eyesight

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Cabbage

Combats cancer

Prevents constipation

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Helps hemorrhoids

Cantaloupe

Saves eyesight

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Supports immune system

Carrots

Saves eyesight

Protects your heart

Prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Promotes weight loss

Cauliflower

Protects against Prostate Cancer

Combats Breast Cancer

Strengthens bones

Banishes bruises

Guards against heart disease

Cherries

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Ends insomnia

Slows aging process

Shields against Alzheimer's

Chestnuts

Promotes weight loss

Protects your heart

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

Chili Peppers

Aids digestion

Soothes sore throat

Clears sinuses

Combats Cancer

Boosts immune system

Figs

Promotes weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Lowers cholesterol

Combats Cancer

Controls blood pressure

Fish

Protects your heart

Boosts memory

Protects your heart

Combats Cancer

Supports immune system

Flax

Aids digestion

Battles diabetes

Protects your heart

Improves mental health

Boosts immune system

Garlic

Lowers cholesterol

Controls blood pressure

Combats cancer

kills bacteria

Fights fungus

Grapefruit

Protects against heart attacks

Promotes Weight loss

Helps stops strokes

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Grapes

saves eyesight

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Enhances blood flow

Protects your heart

Green Tea

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Helps stops strokes

Promotes Weight loss

Kills bacteria

Honey

Heals wounds

Aids digestion

Guards against ulcers

Increases energy

Fights allergies

Lemons

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

Limes

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Controls blood pressure

Smoothes skin

Stops scurvy

Mangoes

Combats cancer

Boosts memory

Regulates thyroid

aids digestion

Shields against Alzheimer's

Mushrooms

Controls blood pressure

Lowers cholesterol

Kills bacteria

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

Oats

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

prevents constipation

Smoothes skin

Olive Oil

Protects your heart

Promotes Weight loss

Combats cancer

Battles diabetes

Smoothes skin

Onions

Reduce risk of heart attack

Combats cancer

Kills bacteria

Lowers cholesterol

Fights fungus

Oranges

Supports immune systems

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

Strengthens respiration

 

Peaches

prevents constipation

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

aids digestion

Helps hemorrhoids

Peanuts

Protects against heart disease

Promotes Weight loss

Combats Prostate Cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Aggravates
diverticulitis

Pineapple

Strengthens bones

Relieves colds

Aids digestion

Dissolves warts

Blocks diarrhea

Prunes

Slows aging process

prevents constipation

boosts memory

Lowers cholesterol

Protects against heart disease

Rice

Protects your heart

Battles diabetes

Conquers kidney stones

Combats cancer

Helps stops strokes

Strawberries

Combats cancer

Protects your heart

boosts memory

Calms stress

 

Sweet Potatoes

Saves your eyesight

Lifts mood

Combats cancer

Strengthens bones

 

Tomatoes

Protects prostate

Combats cancer

Lowers cholesterol

Protects your heart

 

Walnuts

Lowers cholesterol

Combats cancer

boosts memory

Lifts mood

Protects against heart disease

Water

Promotes Weight loss

Combats cancer

Conquers kidney stones

Smoothes skin

 

Watermelon

Protects prostate

Promotes Weight loss

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

Controls blood pressure

Wheat Germ

Combats Colon Cancer

prevents constipation

Lowers cholesterol

Helps stops strokes

improves digestion

Wheat Bran

Combats Colon Cancer

prevents constipation

Lowers cholesterol

Speech by Bryan Dyson (CEO of Coca Cola)

'Imagine life as a game in which you're juggling
some five balls in the air.

You name them - work, family, health,friends & spirit

and you're keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball.
If you drop it, it will bounce back.

But the other four Balls - family, health, friends and spirit - are made
of glass. If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed,
marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered.

They will never be the same. You must understand that
and strive for Balance in your life.'

Marketing strategies

Marketing strategies

A Professor was explaining marketing & advertising concepts to the Students : -

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That call Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing

 
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:  "You are very rich! Can you marry me?" - That is Branding

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I   am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.  That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's  demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before  you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you  marry me?" and she goes with him - That's Competition eating your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives.   That's restriction for entering new markets.